


Rapport

by jillyfae



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 12:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you don't need adventure. Sometimes there are no bells and whistles. Sometimes you just happen to meet the right person, at the right time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Cortez had laughed, soft and silent, when Vega had had wondered why the gossip about the new member of the crew, _doesn't look like much to me_. As if there was something wrong with Vega's eyes.

_Nothing wrong with my eyes now_ , Vega decides later, watching the Major and Cortez sitting in the mess together, talking quietly over their morning coffee. They both drink a lot of coffee, even for soldiers.

_Workaholics._ James resists the urge to tease in his usual manner. Because there is something in their eyes. Blue and brown. Always watching. Each other, that is. He's pretty sure he could break into a song and dance number and only get a raised eyebrow out of Alenko, and one short smirk from Esteban, before they went back to talking.


	2. Chapter 2

_Cortez is slightly surprised at how much fun Alenko can be, a sly sense of humor hiding behind that serious gaze, a soft chuckle and rolled eyes at Joker's latest incorrigible comment over the comms as they take a piece of the shuttle apart and put it back together again._   
  
_Alenko is not at all surprised by how very much he enjoys making Cortez laugh. The way his eyes slowly brighten and his smile slowly grows, as if he's trying to hold it in, until finally his breath breaks and his body shakes and anyone within a meter radius grins, his amusement irresistible and contagious, even if they have no idea what the original joke had been._

* * *

It had started innocently enough. Well, maybe not innocently. Quietly. They'd both found themselves in the lounge, late one night. Trying to unwind. Peril of having too much to do, too little time, and perhaps more determination than sense... hard to turn it _off_ , even when you know better. Shared some tea. Found themselves meeting each other's eyes, over and over.   
  
Shared some stories.  
  
The first night it was missions. The silly ones, when things went wrong but no one got hurt. Except maybe some wounded pride. Boot-camp and AIT and shuttles sent to the wrong places. Getting the wrong set of uniforms or the wrong set of MRE's or two hundred kilos of toilet paper when really you were out of socks.  
  
The second time it happened it was people they'd known. Not the important ones, but the ones it was easy to talk about. Shiny young lieutenants with more education than sense, old NCO's who couldn't seem to smile, grunts whose heads were as hard as their muscles, grunts whose muscles were as fast as their brains.  
  
The third night they were quiet. Broke out the whiskey, stared out at the stars. Found out they both loved the same piece of music, an old jazz ballad that most people had never heard outside of the elevator synthesized version. Or the asari adaption, played with a chorus of almost familiar wind instruments, that had been a big hit right before...  
  
Well. Just before.  
  
They both preferred the classics.  
  
The fourth night Alenko mentioned Williams. And Horizon. Cortez had a few of those as well. Comrades lost. Too many. More every day.  
  
The fifth night Kaidan talked about his father.  
  
The sixth night almost never happened. Cortez avoided the lounge for over a week, tired and aching and uncertain. Their conversations had never been on a schedule, never planned; sometimes only one of them would set up the tea kettle, have a night to himself. Sometimes neither of them did, too busy with work or missions or clean-up. Or even occasionally managing some decent rack-time.   
  
But he knew what was coming, and he wasn't sure what he wanted. Or maybe he was, and he just didn't want to admit it. Didn't want to take that step.  
  
And then they were flying down to some planet, looking for something for some politician, Shepard and Garrus cracking almost funny jokes in the back, and Alenko had...  
  
No.  
  
 _Kaidan_.  
  
Kaidan had come up to the cockpit and put one armored hand on the back of his chair. Not touching. Not quite. And Steve, _it had definitely been Steve, not Cortez_ , had looked up into those dark eyes, and there'd been just the hint of a smile visible through Kaidan's helmet, and he realized he'd probably already taken that step without realizing it, and he'd smiled back.  
  
That night, Steve talked about his parents. And Robert. Kaidan sat next to him on the couch instead of across the table in the other chair, solid and comforting, the line of his leg just barely touching Steve's thigh, fingers warm as he held Steve's hand.


	3. Chapter 3

_Cortez has the perfect eyes for when you're out in public, blue and startling against rich brown skin, able to carry on an entire conversation without saying a single word. Alenko has the perfect voice for late night stories, once you finally get him alone; low and husky, so you can feel it almost more than you can hear it._

* * *

Their first kiss was a gentle surprise, both leaning across a rickety round table in a tiny Citadel cafe. The only rickety round table in the place. No one ever sat there. Everyone ordered their food to go and hurried on their way, as it was right under a flight path, hovercars and small transports moving above, faster and louder than any voice. Even the cooks behind the counter communicated by sign language, and you had to point at the menu to order.   
  
Kaidan said he'd found it almost a year ago. He'd flashed that crooked half smile of his when he'd invited Steve out for lunch. And Steve had sat there for almost half an hour before he'd even remembered he was supposed to be eating, eyes wide and delighted as he laughed up at the 'sky' above them. He finally turned after a particularly spectacular near-collision, to the realization that Kaidan was ignoring the aerial acrobatics above them completely, watching Steve instead, eyes dark, the line of his jaw softened by the hint of a smile.   
  
Steve's heart gave a heavy thump in his chest, something he'd never thought he'd feel again. To be honest, the shot of heat to his groin had been shockingly intense as well, but that wasn't something it was helpful to think about while sitting in a public restaurant, not if you wanted to be able to stand up straight when it was time to go. So instead he thought about that jaw, and that almost smile, and smiled some more himself.   
  
He leaned forward to shout a 'thank you' in the general direction of Kaidan's ear, but Kaidan shifted slightly at just the wrong moment, or perhaps the most perfect of right moments , and suddenly his mouth was too close to resist, and their lips met, the lightest of touches, the lightest of breaths, the longest of sighs as they both pulled away, settling back down into their chairs.   
  
Steve swaggered the rest of the day, invigorated by the discovery that he could make Kaidan blush.


	4. Chapter 4

_Attraction is a tricky thing aboard ship. Seldom alone. Never completely private. And yet always close. The heat of a body. The sure movement of fingers on a console. The flash of eyes meeting across a datapad, listening to the voice next to you in a briefing._    
  
 _The irresistible urge to let your gaze drop just once, to admire the shape of the man, to imagine the expanse of skin when you get him out of his uniform._  
  
 _At least the uniforms are loose enough, the fabric thick enough, that no one else need know about the inevitable, inconvenient reaction to all that closeness._  

* * *

Their second kiss felt like it lasted forever. Back on ship, alone in the lounge, tasting of starlight and burning like whiskey. There was a hitch in Steve's breathing and a tightness in Kaidan's hands, neither quite believing it was really happening, both afraid that somehow, something would go wrong, that they'd lose it all again before they've even had it.   
  
Kaidan let out a soft huff of air when Steve's beard tickled against his skin, and Steve tilted his head too look at him, and then they were both smiling, worries eased and bodies relaxing.   
  
 _This is worth doing right._  
  
They went back to their tea. They continued their conversation. Kaidan was, perhaps, paying more attention to the shape of Steve's lips than the words they were forming. Steve was, possibly, enjoying the feel of Kaidan's voice low in his gut more than anything he actually said. But still they talked, slow and warm, taking their time.   
  
 _Anticipation_.   
  
Kaidan's fingers sparked against the console when he tried to adjust the music, biotic static, and Steve couldn't help the sound he made, half a breath and half a groan and half a promise caught in the back of his throat.   
  
 _Soon._


	5. Chapter 5

_Alenko has never let himself fall in love like this before. Never on duty. Never in public. There've always been lines, rules. The clear path of self-control always seemed more important than intangible maybes._    
  
 _Not that he's never been in love, of course. He'd just always kept it separate. This was work. That was his private life. But if there's one thing they both learned from Shepard, it's that you have to take your chances when you have them. Trying to deny this? Trying to take away this light in the darkness, this chance to make Steve happy again? To make them both happy? Protecting himself against that would be cruel._    
  
 _Not that he wants to do any such thing in the first place. The relief of giving in to simple desire for once is almost as intoxicating as Steve himself. Not that there is anything simple about Lieutenant Steven Cortez. Fascinating, definitely. A modern jack-of-all-trades, a damn fine pilot, an honorable man. Dedicated and passionate, a life well lived. Not remotely simple._    
  
 _And listening to him get the better of one of Vega's wise-cracks never gets old._  

* * *

Their third kiss was desperate, Kaidan's hands burning through the sides of Steve's shirt when Steve slammed him back against the side of the Kodiak, teeth clacking until the angle shifted, until tongues could fight it out in a duel neither wanted to win. A perfect match, an endless tie, the hard plane of chests angled against each other as they took. Kaidan shifted, turned, and Steve found their positions reversed, his back pinned against the hull, his hands digging tight into Kaidan's shoulders.

_It had been a bad landing, a worse take-off, almost lost,_ can't lose you _, the smell of eezo and ozone and blood and sweat and not again, never again._  
  
The sound of steps approached, and their mouths gasped apart, breath hot and ragged against each others' faces. Cortez dropped his arms to his sides, convinced that Alenko would step back, put distance back between them, be t he officer on deck, the Major and the Lieutenant. Instead Kaidan sighed, deep and slow, his forehead resting against the hull just past Steve's temple, his hands soothing up Steve's chest then down his arms, catching slightly at the end of his sleeves, trailing against the skin of his wrists.  
  
The footsteps stopped mid-stride.  
  
"Yes, Commander?" Alenko had recognized the boots, not lifting his head from Steve's shoulder as he spoke. Cortez saw a hint of surprise, or possibly amusement, cross Shepard's face, taking in the view, the both of them, fingers just touching, bodies pressed together in the shadows of the Bay, hidden on the far side of the Kodiak.  
  
"Chakwas insists on checking the ground team, Major. SOP. You've probably got five minutes before she starts ordering you over the comms for the whole ship to hear."  
  
"Thank you, Shepard." Kaidan's breath was hot against his neck, and Steve couldn't quite contain his reaction, eyes blinking closed as he held himself still. They opened again on an empty deck, the Commander's steps disappearing in the direction of the elevator.  
  
The ding of the elevator hadn't even reached them before Steve felt hard hands lining the back of his neck, lips searing as Kaidan took another kiss. Steve grabbed back, holding Kaidan's head against his own, hands buried in all that thick black hair. He managed to think, for just a moment,  _how is this much hair remotely regulation?_  
  
Then Kaidan almost growled, low in his throat, and there was no room left for thought beyond pleasure, the thick strands wrapped around his fingers, the scalding line of chest and thigh leaning against him, the pressure of mouth and tongue.  
  
And then they stopped.  
  
Because they had to stop.  
  
But they took a moment, eyes intent after their lips parted, before their hands let go.  
  
 _Tonight._


	6. Chapter 6

_Cortez has been in love before, of course; before Robert even. He's still surprised he's in love again after Robert. Those old loves have faded, singular traits standing out sharp and brilliant amidst the fog of old memories, those hands, or that laugh, or the way that chest had felt under his palm. For the longest time Robert was remembered for his death, rather than his life, but Shepard helped lay that ghost to rest._    
  
 _And then Kaidan._    
  
 _Kaidan is still new enough there's no one trait, no one taste, no one touch that stands out, but rather the whole overwhelming package. His profile in the shuttle doorway, the sound when his voice rasps in his throat, the way he's so easily flustered in public, so sure of himself in private. The heat of his body, the taste of his lips, the feel of stubble under the skin of his jaw, even just after he's shaved. The way he does everything with his full concentration, body and heart and mind together._

* * *

Unless you were the Commander,  _or with the Commander_ , there weren't many options for  _alone_. People found corners, of course, but that wasn't really their style.

_This is worth doing right._

So they ended up in the back of the Kodiak, Steve's territory, with extra blankets and pillows stolen from the stock behind the crew quarters. Kaidan hacked the light controls to turn them dim and golden, almost like candles. Though they'd flashed bright red, for just a moment, startling a laugh out of Steve and a flush across Kaidan's cheeks.

_"Trying to tell me something, Mr. Alenko?"_

_"Always."_

_"Well then, that's alright, isn't it?"_

_"Better than alright."_

Perfect.

Perfect was that fourth kiss, deep and slow, trading breaths and heartbeats with every touch of their lips.

Perfect was finally getting to slide a hand beneath a shirt, up a back, to feel skin warm against your palm.

Perfect was finding every single buckle and button and zipper.

Perfect was the last tug of a belt catching on one final loop before sliding free.

_"Alliance uniforms have too many straps."_

_"Maybe they're trying to tell you something, too."_

_"That I should use them to tie you up?"_

_"I was thinking a lesson in patience..._

_... but maybe next time."_

Perfect was the taste of skin, the pull of hair, the ease of worries that had been carried for so long you'd forgotten they still made your shoulders tight. Until they didn't, anymore, finally let go in favor of finding just the right spot to put your mouth to make another man moan.

_Accidentally finding just the right spot to make him squirm and laugh is almost as good. Ticklish is unexpected._

Perfect was forgetting how to breathe because it felt so damn good, and it had been too damn long. Perfect was a whisper enticing eyes to open, to look, to see, to kiss again. Perfect was hard muscles and soft lips and rough voices and gentle eyes. Perfect was every light touch, fingers catching on newly discovered scars, following the shifting of hips and legs and arms as they moved together. Perfect was the quiver in his thighs against your skin, letting you know he was close, so close.

_Perfect is discovering that fucking a biotic means that each moment he flares is like his breath on your skin, all of it, all at once, and orgasms are_ blue _, and you are absolutely ruined for anyone else, ever._

_Especially when he laughs, a short breathy chuckle, and promises more for next time, and kisses you while your breath is still ragged, and your arms don't quite work, and his hands cup your cheeks as he looks into your eyes and you know somehow you've ruined him for anyone else too._

Perfect was even being woken up by pounding on the side of the Kodiak the next morning, a familiar voice shouting, asking if they'd worked up an appetite for an extra couple helpings of huevos.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Major Kaidan Alenko. Finally threw the damn rule book out the airlock, didn't you?"_    
  
 _"I guess I did, Joker. Then again, so did you?"_    
  
 _"Hey, nothing in the regs about dating your ship. I checked."_    
  
 _"Like you have ever let the rules stop you from doing something you wanted to do."_    
  
 _"No, but it's kind-of a nice change, not fighting the fine print for once."_    
  
 _"Only you would claim being the first man to date a brand new synthetic life form was the easy way to do things."_    
  
 _"Right. 'Cause falling for your shuttle pilot in a combat zone is simple?"_    
  
 _"Yeah. It is. It's the only thing that is."_

* * *

"Tell me something about the Major I don't know, hermano." Vega leaned across the console where Cortez was working, smirking as the pilot looked up at him.

Steve coughed,  _he gives spectacular head_  was not the right answer to that question. Well, it was  _a_  right answer, but it would undoubtedly work its way through the entire ship...  _I love when his eyes turn blue_ , while less vulgar, was still problematic.

Vega's grin widened when Cortez didn't say anything right away.  _Glad he didn't just shout this one across the bay while he did his pull-ups; whole bay'd be thinking about what I'm not saying._  Cortez grinned back, shaking his head slightly. "You know I don't kiss and tell, Mr Vega."

"Don't care how he kisses, pendejo."

"Better not." Cortez gave up on pretending he was paying attention to his display to aim a glare at Vega.

"Ooh, you jealous?"

"Of you? Never."

"Then answer the question." Vega crossed his arms over his chest, his chin doing a little tilt back, inviting Cortez to step it up, give it his best shot.

"Why?" Cortez raised his eyebrows. "Because you said so?"

"Well," Vega's eyes blinked, his arms dropped as he shrugged, shoulders just slightly out of sync. "Well, yeah."

Cortez tried to keep a straight face, but the chuckle eased out of him anyways. "You're gonna have to give me a better reason than that."

That sideways two-part shrug again, hands clenched and eyes dark. "Ain't no better reason."

"Ah," Cortez sighed, felt his laugh fade into a smile. He knew that look. His father'd had that look, eyeing the first boy he'd ever had a thing for, so many years ago, _is he good enough for you?_  "He likes cheesy old pulp adventure books. Reads them out loud to me when I ask."

"That's the best thing you can think up?" Vega's voice was its usual rough tease, but his eyes and hands eased. "When'd you turn into a boring old man on me?"

"Something wrong with your ears as well as your eyes, Mr. Vega? You heard the man talk?"

Vega snorted, head shaking as he went back to his work-bench. "Not my thing, Esteban, not my thing."


	8. Chapter 8

_The only benefit of running errands for politicians is frequent return trips to the Citadel. Where Kaidan still has an apartment. A tiny efficiency, one room serving as kitchen and bedroom and office, an even smaller bathroom to the side. With a door that locks, and no one else inside, and neighbors who don't care who they are, so there's no need to hurry, no need to be quiet, no need for anything but each other._  
  
 _They barely make it inside the first time back in port, shoved back up against the door, clothes mostly still on, boots heavy on their feet as they shudder together, hands and mouths and blue and "damn Mr. Alenko, why don't you show off what that mouth can do more often?"_  
  
 _"You just have to ask very, very nicely."_  
  
 _The second time back, they break one of the desk's legs, but Kaidan just laughs. "Not like I do work here anymore, anyways."_  
  
 _The bed is more tha n big enough for two._  
  
 _The shower isn't, but they make it work._  
  
 _And they always take a moment, before they have to open that door again, Kaidan's hands cupping Steve's jaw, Steve's hands tight in Kaidan's hair, one last, long, private kiss, hello and goodbye._  
  
This is worth doing right.

* * *

They were getting desperate. The whole ship could feel it. Earth was dying. Cerberus was ramping up its interference. They were running out of chances, running out of options, running out of  _time_.

But still they kept going. One foot in front of the other, following Shepard.

Dropping Shepard into hot-zone after hot-zone, cleaning up messes, salvaging resources, cementing alliances. Marines claimed they hated the waiting of a shuttle drop, getting all revved up for combat and then sitting, listening to the engines or the wind or the battle they were approaching. But then they got to jump out. Then they got fight.

Cortez got to keep on waiting. And listening, over the comms, knowing that, usually, by the time he heard something it was too late to do anything.  _Especially flying the damn brick of a Kodiak._

He missed his Trident.

Hearing the ground team under fire,  _hearing Kaidan under fire, he missed his Trident so much it was almost hard to breathe. He was supposed to be air support. He was spectacular air support; when he had the wings for it, rather than a bus. Joker always interrupted the feed though, right when his lungs ached and his shoulders started to get too tight, just in time to say something incredibly stupid._

Or smart, depending.

Joker knew. He'd been dropping Shepard into hot-zones for a very long time.

And waiting.

Nothing worse than waiting. Nothing to stop the thinking.

But the other side of that, of course, was that there's almost nothing better than when the waiting  _ends_. When he picked them up, and Shepard hit the hull, one solid fist sounding the all clear, all aboard,  _get us home_.

There was always just an instant of relief, a hint across the shoulders when the door slid closed and the soldiers knew they were finished, they'd done their bit. Vega pretended he was n't worried, grunting as he fell into his seat, Garrus joked, Liara whispered, Tali tapped the hull, just one gentle slide of her fingers, thanking the ship; EDI simply nodded and greeted Joker over the comm, while Javik somehow made it apparent that the only reason he wasn't rolling all four of his eyes was because their primitive behavior wasn't worth it.

The Major always came and sat in the co-pilot's seat. Sometimes he was quiet, sometimes he made a soft joke about the cavalry having remarkably good timing. But always, he'd have just a hint of a smile under his helmet, and he'd relax into his chair, and sometimes Cortez had to show off just a little; sometimes he had to plan a particularly fancy dance back up to the  _Normandy_  to celebrate.  _Because sometimes everybody lives._


	9. Chapter 9

_Kaidan in love is, to almost all outward appearances, pretty much the same as always. He tries to be calm, and collected, and professional. And mostly he is. But he smiles a bit more often, and he takes a little longer over his coffee, or his lunch, or leaving a room after a meeting, if Steve is there._  
  
 _Steve in love is, to everyone except Vega, (who is quite relieved to see his friend back from the shell he'd been hiding in), almost an entirely new person. He sings as he works. He makes horrible jokes with everyone, not just his Bay-partner-in-crime. He is easily (and frequently) caught tilting his head when Alenko walks by, admiring the view._  
  
 _He tries not to comment on said view out loud, however, knowing Kaidan prefers his privacy._    
  
 _Sometimes he can't resist a whistle though._

* * *

Earth.

_Earth._

No one's smiling or whistling anymore. Even Joker can't come up with a smart-ass comment.

London.

Anderson.

Everything goes wrong, of course.

_Of course._

But nobody died.

Well, really, lots of people died. But not Shepard, and not the Normandy, and no one on the ground teams.

_Not Kaidan._

That was really the only thing Cortez had managed to concentrate on ever since he'd crashed.  _Not Kaidan._  Still alive, still out there.

All of them. Still fighting.

_Except for that damn Kodiak._

Cortez huffed out one short breath, oddly amused.  _Gotta take the laughs where you find them, or you break down crying._  He'd even managed not to get too banged up, nothing more than bruises and a twisted knee.

Only now he was grounded.

Trapped.

Helpless.

_Waiting._

He'd backtracked to a minor relay station once he'd dragged himself free of the wreckage. Heard the radio calls. Knew Anderson and Shepard were preparing their assault.

_Waiting, again._

Without even a shuttle to keep him busy.

Without even a shuttle he could use to  _help_.

"Hey, Cortez!" Steve looked up at Chief Michaels, who waved at him from the console she and Specialist Na had set up against the far wall. "Got a call for you!"

"From a Major with Shepard," Na added when Cortez stood up. "Got friends in high places, don't you Lieutenant?"

Apparently something had shown on Steve's face at that,  _or the fact I just almost tripped on my own boots gave it away_ , because Michaels got a rather ridiculously pleased with herself sort of grin on her face, and clapped her partner on the shoulder. "Think he's more than just a friend there, Na. How 'bout we give the LT and his Major some privacy?"

And the two trooped off to the other room of the house they'd barricaded, and Steve scrambled over to the console to turn the call on.

 _Kaidan_.

"Steve." Steve smiled at the sound of that wonde rful voice, soft and raspy, saying his name. The softening around Kaidan's eyes was better than anyone else's smile. And they just stood there, for a moment, quiet.  _Alive_.

He took half a step forward, at about the same time he saw Kaidan's hand shift, just a little, both of them trying to touch through the holos.  _Kaidan._  "You're blue."

Kaidan blinked, the hint of a smile quirking his mouth. "So are you."

Steve's smile widened into a grin. "No, I mean, usually when I can see your face and you're blue it's because of... hmmm. It's distracting." It was sexy as all hell, really, Kaidan flaring with his lips against Steve's skin, and remembering that was making it really fucking hard to talk. Well. Just making things really fucking hard, to be honest.

Kaidan swallowed something suspiciously like a growl of agreement, and his eyes, if possible, looked even bluer for just a moment, and  _damn it all to hell I want to kiss him._

"Kaidan..."

"Say that again." The blue image flickered as he leaned forward, eyes intent.

"What?"

"My name. Say it again."

"Kaidan?"

Kaidan's shoulders eased, just a little. "It's always Major when we're working, or Mr. Alenko when you're teasing..." He glanced across Steve's face, his expression soft again. "Not that I don't enjoy it when you're teasing. But you almost never just say my name."

 _Kaidan._  "I think it all the time. Kaidan." The blue face flickered as Kaidan blinked, eyes closed then open again, oh so slowly. Steve pulled a shaky grin out from somewhere. "If I'd known what it'd do to you I'd've used it more often. First thing in the morning. Right as you take a sip of coffee. At the end of every briefing." His grin faded, his throat tight. "When I see you again,  _after_..."

"I can't promise that, Steve," Kaidan's voice trailed off, then he swallowed so hard Steve could hear it, could see it in the holo. "But I will do my damndest to come back for you."

"I know." Steve shifted uncomfortably, hands clenching at his sides. "Damnit  _you're blue_  and I really want to say good-bye and wish you luck  _properly_. Not being able to touch you is worse than not being able to fly."

Kaidan's low chuckle filled the air, and Steve felt himself smiling, though he wasn't even sure why. "That's high praise from a pilot. I love you too, Cortez."  
  
"Damnit Alenko, stop being so smart and perfect and go kill some Reapers, alright?"  
  
"Yessir." Kaidan reached out a hand, and Steve couldn't resist, his own fingers just touching the image until the tips turned blue, and he could pretend there was something, a hint of static, a tingle of electricity. And then the holo disappeared, the signal shut down, and he was alone amidst the rubble.   
  
"I love you, Kaidan."


	10. Chapter 10

_Being alive is a little unexpected. Certainly a welcome surprise, but everyone is walking around in a bit of a daze, trying to clean up, trying to remember to do more than put one foot in front of the other. No one had really thought they'd win. No one had thought Shepard could really pull it off._    
  
 _No one had thought Shepard could die._    
  
 _Sometimes Kaidan feels guilty about that. He's survived when Shepard died twice now. Only there's no body this time, no fancy Cerberus experiment. No Lazarus. No third chance. Not only has Kaidan survived, he's happy. Which just adds to the guilt._    
  
 _Steve doesn't let him feel guilty for long, though. He's an expert at survivor's guilt, and Shepard beat it out of him. Not quite literally. It was close a few times though. He does the same for everyone else, now that Shepard's gone. Especially for Kaidan though. Always for Kaidan._

* * *

Moving day.

There were too many wounded and two few medics and doctors to use a traditional hospital. They had converted an airline hangar. No privacy for getting your bedpan changed, but that meant no privacy when you started flatlining either, so no one complained. Much.

Even if they all thought it.

No one really liked hospitals at the best of times. Which this wasn't.

But.

_Moving day._

Steve couldn't help the lightness of his step, though he did resist the urge to whistle a jaunty tune. Hard on all the people with headaches.

Kaidan was getting out today.

Out to a half-way house sort-of set-up, with a nurse on duty and a PT room and bunch of other walking wounded. But still. Steve had passed his basic CLS courses with flying colors, so the half-way house was more than happy to have him staying there too, helping out.

_They'd probably have been happy just to have me around for the heavy lifting._

He'd even managed to get them a room to themselves.

_All I had to do was suffer through a lecture from the Chief Nurse about not engaging in extracurricular activity 'til the Doc clears it. Which I already knew. More important things in life than my libido._

_Not many._

_But a few._

Well. It wasn't really a room. More a converted closet with a make-shift skylight instead of a window. But it was private. Which was surprisingly hard to come by, nowadays.

Not that there weren't depressing numbers of empty buildings in London. Most of them were half-rubble and no longer hooked up to the semi-functional power grid, however. There were people camping out all over the place, but that wasn't the greatest idea when you still had casts and IVs and heavy drugs.

Not that the heavy drugs worked particularly well on Alenko. Biotic metabolism was a bitch.

_And I'm rambling. In my own head._

_I am_ not _good at waiting._

He finally got waved inside. Scooped up a wheelchair and trotted through the bay, nodding at the familiar faces of patients and staff. He spent half his time here, after all.

_But not anymore._

Ok, maybe he whistled a little bit while making his way down the aisle. Just a little.

His feet turned the chair before he was really looking where he was going, familiar enough with the route to take it on auto-pilot, sliding to a stop and looking up to say hello.  
  
His whistle faded, and he smiled instead.  _Still sleeping._  
  
Steve loved watching Kaidan sleep. His whole body eased, in a way he never let himself when he was awake, always so controlled, so precise, so intent. Always careful.  _Until he finally wears himself out and sprawls all over the bed, twisting up the sheets._  In fact, he'd sprawled enough he had one foot sticking out from under the hospital blanket, one shoulder bare from when he'd rolled over on his side.  
  
Swallowing a chuckle, Steve spun the chair around and settled in, propping his feet up carefully on the lower rails of Kaidan's bed.  _Little more waiting never hurt anyone. Moving day'll still be here, whenever he wakes up. 'Sides. Can't argue with that view._


	11. Chapter 11

_Kaidan is sleeping better than he has any right to, considering. Injuries healing. The world sort-of ending not that long ago. Plus, Steve usually wakes up half way through the night, overheated from being tucked under covers next to a biotic, which wakes Kaidan up as well._   
  
_Not that either of them mind, soft voices in the dark as they adjust and settle down to go back to sleep._   
  
_Or, as Kaidan heals, they talk longer, and fingers trace patterns on skin, and mouths soothe and tease, and then they're not talking at all._   
  
_Or sleeping._   
  
_But those are definitely the best nights._

* * *

Steve woke to the feel of one finger, warm against his chest, tracing the edges of the chain holding his dog-tags. And two rings, his and Robert's. He lifted a hand, wrapping his fingers around Kaidan's, blinking up at his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

  
He failed, rather spectacularly, to think up anything more complicated than  _huh?_ and  _nice view for a morning, that face_. So he tilted his chin until their mouths just barely brushed together. He felt Kaidan's hand clench around the chain, tugging until the metal was a sharp line around the back of his neck, pulling them even closer, tension singing through his body though his lips stayed soft, taking his time as they kissed each other breathless.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts, Mr. Alenko?" Steve whispered, voice rough with morning and lust, lips still close enough he could feel Kaidan's warmth against his mouth. "Unless you'd like to do some more with skin and kisses. Lovely way to start the day."  
  
Kaidan's hand eased, fingers stroking gently across Steve's chest before they settled on the mattress between them. "I do always enjoy your skin and your kisses," he quirked a half a smile. "But I was trying to figure out how to ask you something."  
  
"Does it bother you?" Steve asked, voice slow and uncertain when Kaidan didn't say anything else, simply lay there, propped up on one elbow, his eyes serious as he thought. "The rings?"  
  
"What?" Kaidan's eyes widened in honest surprise, and Steve felt his own thoughts smooth with relief, his face smile. "Of course not. You don't stop loving someone just because they're dead, you just... settle them a little, so there's room for other people, too." He shifted, sheet sliding further off his shoulder as he placed one warm kiss on Steve's chest, right next to the spot where the rings were resting. "You wouldn't be you, without Robert. And I love you."  
  
"You are perfect, aren't you?" Steve laughed and poked Kaidan in the shoulder. "Are you sure you're real?"  
  
"Ow," Kaidan chuckled, shaking his head. "Quite sure."  
  
"Well then. Spit out your question, so I can answer it and we can get back to the kissing part."  
  
"Hmm." Kaidan hummed softly, then hooked one finger through the rings, giving them a gentle tug. "When did you know, you and Robert?"  
  
Steve swallowed carefully, shrugged equally carefully. "Oh, Robert and I danced around each other for  _years_  before we even admitted we were friends. Few months more before we attempted the lovers thing. Which went dreadfully, and we broke it off completely."  
  
"Really?" Kaidan tilted his head, eyes dark as he concentrated. "What changed?"  
  
"Didn't see him for a few years. Ran into him again, and it was like a lightning bolt.   _This. Him. I missed him._  Dragged him out to dinner, did my best to get him drunk, which in retrospect was a lot easier than it should have been; only learned later he was trying to do the same to me." Steve shook his head. "Fell into bed together that very night. Took another year before we admitted it was on purpose and actually got engaged though."  
  
"Slow and not so steady, then?"  
  
"The infamous broken road, yeah." Steve leaned a little closer, not that they were that far apart to begin with, one not so large bed, in one very small room, faintly lit by the glow of a console in the corner, dawn light trailing in through the skylight. He tilted his head, staring right into those whiskey eyes he loved so much. "Why do you ask, Kaidan?"  
  
"Curiosity." The eyes blinked, smiled. "And because we may not have been together that long, but I'm quite sure this is it." His voice dropped, deep and soft and husky. "For me, at least."  
  
"Is that your version of a proposal?"  
  
"If you have to ask, I'm sure it's a very poorly done one. I shall have to endeavor to do a better job. Dinner, candles, music. Rings, if I can find some."  
  
"Well, then." Steve grinned, laughed, almost broke into song, almost grabbed the man and kissed him senseless. "When you figure it out, I'll probably say yes. Just so you know."  
  
"Only probably?" Kaidan raised one eyebrow. "I'll definitely have to make sure I improve my chances before then."  
  
"And how are you planning on doing that, Mr. Alenko?"  
  
"Kisses and skin, Cortez, skin and kisses."  
  


* * *

_Weddings are rather popular, after the end of the world. Have to counteract all that dying with some very definite living. Shepard gave them hope again, and no one wants to waste it._   
  
_It takes some doing, but Kaidan arranges everything. Gets an officiator. Hunts down family and friends who are still alive, drags them all to London whether they want to come or not.  They all want; it doesn't take too much convincing._

_Finds candles, and food. And rings. And even some Class-A's. Steve thinks he's just planning a proper proposal, until the night he walks into the hall and everyone stands, and Kaidan offers him an arm, and he has trouble talking because he's laughing and crying so hard._   
  
_But he gets it together enough to say "I do", because some things are worth doing right._


End file.
